@lisaOoOo

A 5 day juice diet. They said I would “feel it” working in just 5 days. They were right, I’ve never felt more hungry in all my life.

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@WritingWilkie

The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar’s UP. That old man really loved his house.

@EwdatsGROSS

Boys who wear sports jerseys are just cosplaying athletes but no one is ready to have that conversation yet.

@yerpalmildsauce

In Heaven all your lost pets are sitting around waiting to see you again. “I wish he’d die,” says Cupcake. They all nod.

@MaraWilson

I wish I had enough talent as a dancer to disappoint my family by becoming a dancer

@SadieSmithRoks

Is no shave November just for men?

Asking for my female Italian coworker and her mustache.

@chetprtr

[dog bites my arm off]
owner: lol don’t worry he’s just playing

@CArmanthegirl

Oh look the neighbors have a Halloween inflatable
-releases the cats

@Michael1979

Am not being sponsored to say this but if any of you guys are looking to protect your feet while walking on rough terrain, check out “shoes”