@Tayl0rBr00ks: A bald guy in a turtleneck sweater looks 97% like a roll-on deodorant.
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@3sunzzz: My husband changed his cologne brand for the 1st time in 31 years. Now he smells like I'm having an affair.
@wolfpupy: people are attacking at me with pitchforks simply because i choose to lay still under piles of hay, straw, and leaves at times.
@EndhooS: Me: [sat in car] Cop: u forget something? [Points at baby still on roof in his carrier] Me: OMG yes [gets out & puts on his flying goggles]
@ShutUpThatsWho: SCIENTIST: if we feed cows seaweed we can slash greenhouse gas levels [later] SCIENTIST [watching dead cows float in the ocean]: well shit