I would describe my conference call personality as “also there”
A burrito so good, a Mariachi band is playing outside the bathroom stall at work the next day.
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Jehovah’s Witness: Do you have time to talk about Jesus?
Jesus: *In disguise* sure
JW: He’s lame
J: *rips off fake beard* Big mistake pal
You always hear about cops planting evidence.
Never about the cops who nurture and water it every day so it will grow into an evidence tree.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
Men don’t use the Internet. Don’t believe me women? Go check your man’s search history. Guarantee it’s empty.
Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.
Welcome to Cupcake Yoga! NomNomaste.
Told my British pal I wanted him to take me to pound town.
Well, we are at the dollar store if anyone needs anything.
Stop me if you’ve stolen this one before.
Men don’t ask for driving directions because we just don’t want to arrive wherever you’re making us go.