@jonnysun

a cauliflower is a plant explosion in extremeley slow motion

You Might Also Like

@TheBoydP

What’s it called when you have decided to stop eating cold turkey sandwiches?

@BuckyIsotope

ME: if you’re under my roof you follow my rules
SON: fine
ME: well?
SON: *sighs* a ninja turtle could beat up a transformer
ME: thank you

@KaptainKoRnie

Bf and I are on 2 completely different emotional planes right now.

Work faster, whiskey.

@iamlaurenp

Obama: Who were you talking to before he came here for the meeting?
Biden: Young Metro.
Obama: Why did you call-
Biden: Shhh. I got this.

@Naked_Superman

Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake their soda

@nachosarah

if all my friends jumped off a cliff I wouldn’t do it too because cats can land on their feet they’ll be fine

@calicocats420

the waitress at waffle house just apologized bc she lost her train of thought when tracy chapman fast car came on