@jonnysun: a centaur has six limbs, a lower abdomen (horse torso), and an upper thorax (human torso), categorically making it a bug
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@flashember: *wife shakes me awake in the middle of the night* me: w-what happened wife: you were talking in your sleep. kept muttering goth this and goth that me: like what, specifically wife: like death is goth life and blackberries are goth raspberries me:[taking notes] oh these are good
@shutupmikeginn: Waiter you misunderstand me. I didn't say “I need a Mountain Dew: Code Red.” I was letting you know how badly I need a regular Mountain Dew.
@buck4itt: Justin Bieber has found Jesus which means that Jesus is really great at a lot of things but hiding is not one of them.