It’s not like I can let everyone on facebook know that I am actually a sexually deprived, unshaven, drunken mess.
So I tell everyone here.
A child is like a CD. You enjoy it for a while and then forget it in the car.
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I’m wearing black today so powdered sugar donuts seem like a solid choice.
WELCOME TO GYM.
[5gp] WOOD MUSCLE //
[10gp] LEATHER MUSCLE //
[50gp] IRON MUSCLE //
[100gp] WISTFUL MUSCLE //
[999gp] DESOLATION MUSCLE
He wasn’t even meant to be at the party, but when she took a bite of the salsa laiden chip and then placed it back in the sauce to reload it, he knew he had just met his soulmate. It was serendoubledipity.
He’s GUILTY! KILL HIM! Inject poison DIRECTLY INTO HIS VEINS!
But first give him whatever he wants to eat; we’re not savages.
I compared thee to a summer’s day because I hate summer.
“You can eat 50% of a mermaid before you’re considered a cannibal.”
My kid, using homeschool math during social distancing
When a kid starts off a sentence with “promise you won’t get mad,” don’t panic. Just be prepared to get mad.
I can forgive the fact that Peter Peter was a pumpkin eater, but I can’t abide by the fact that his first and last name are the same.
I like long walks along the beach until the drugs wear off & I realize I’m actually crawling through the sand at the local construction site