@RappaRick: A comma is just a period with a mullet.
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@QwertyJones3: [vacuuming] Pick up your feet please. Kid on sofa: No! Ok *sucks kid into vacuum feet first* *turns to next kid* Pick up your feet please.
@thefosterer: If I ever lose my girlfriend in the mall I just start checking other girls out and bam there she is yelling at me
@jbfan911: police: im sorry to both of you. your son set the school on fire. parents: arson? police: yes, your son.
@Parkerlawyer: My husband left me on read and it’s been 22 minutes. If he wanted a divorce he could have just asked me like a rational human being.