Obviously the Asian gentleman I saw flush the urinal with a karate kick doesn’t mind perpetuating stereotypes.
A computer game where you go back in time with a gun to kill Adam; it’s a first person shooter.
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My oldest son & his gf were cooking & asked me how many 1/4 cups are in 1 cup ….
Gonna write a nasty letter 2 college & ask for a refund
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I’ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
Unbelievable that I am meant to eat healthy, have a social life, go to the gym and also meet my deadlines
“Are you listening?”
“Are you REALLY listening?”
“I really am.”
“But I mean, are you-”
“I’m not gonna say it, Dave.”
Farmer: Netflix and till
Moonshiner: Netflix and still
Estate planner: Netflix and will
Dentist: Netflix and drill
Attorney: Netflix and bill
Mountaineer: Netflix and hill
Doctor: Netflix and ill
Pharmacist: Netflix and pill
Jack: Netflix and Jill
I just watched Bug’s Life and cried the whole time I mowed the lawn.
*holds out bucket of fried chicken to passing marathon runners*
Me: you want salmon for dinner?
Me: what do you want with it?
Me: I meant what kind of vegetable.
If you fall down in public the best thing to do is stay down, use your fingernails to dig your way to another country then start a new life.