@Aspersioncast: A dating site that connects Tupperware containers with lost lids.
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@beefman138: Dear people filming disasters : You need to zoom out before running for your lives. Nobody likes blurry footage, you selfish animals.
@tastefactory: We really are the most blessed generation. We've had 7 iPhones and 7 Fast and Furious movies.
@sofarrsogud: Me: I can’t believe I’m only discovering Fleetwood Mac now. Girlfriend: I’ve heard Rumours Me: No, it’s true Sandra. They’re an actual band.
@HairyJew4Life: Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend? When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job.