Atheists certainly have a lot to say about the nothing they believe in.
A dog is in my studio apartment and he keeps looking around for other rooms. I wish i was doing a little better too dude !
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Can’t go to sleep. I’m not sure if I should blame the cup of coffee I had at noon or vintage clown doll sitting at the foot of my bed.
According to a Doritos bag size I’m a “Family.”
[the middle of showering] I need a break
If I come home from work and my wife is gone, I always think the worst has happened. I forgot something she said we were doing that night.
[alien in starbucks to make a cash withdrawal]
well, the name is misleading tbh
Do those “selfie sticks” retract, or do you just have to walk around like a doofus with a stick all day?
Young mom: My baby is 34 months
Me: Oh really I’m 407 months yeah I hope you like doing math you piece of shit
Do we really have to hear Adam Levine talk about how he used to have acne problems? That poor guy.. how’d he ever survive.
maybe there is no I in team but I see there is a goat in go team, so that’s fun