@ieatanddrink: A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *pretending to be a T-rex* I'm going to eat you. 7-year-old: You can't. It's Lent.
@JoePetroske: Interview Tip: When you get the "where do you see yourself in 5 years" question, don't say "post-apocalyptic tribal warlord".
@MichaelLarrick: Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They'd be like "did you get my text?" and you could just be like "I can't read."