@ieatanddrink

A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth

A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth

- @ieatanddrink

You Might Also Like

@TheMichaelRock

We’re shutdown, but not ‘stop collecting taxes’ shutdown.

– the government

@realHamOnWry

As you grow older you’ll start feeling your body getting stiffer. But don’t worry … it’s just rigor mortis practicing for the big day.

@piled

“We’ll see” = We’re not gonna see.

@TheAndrewNadeau

Actually, not all of the creatures from Jurassic Park were from the Jurassic period. Jeff Goldblum, for example. He’s from now.

@IamEveryDayPpl

I didn’t mean to knock your toddler down at the mall today…

I just wanted to be first on Santa’s lap before he got peed on.

@jonnysun

BARBER: what’ll it be
ME: can u make me feel extremeley self-conscious for 45 minutes
BARBER: u got it

@MasterOfMoppets

These coffee flavored rice cakes are delicious, but chewy.

[eats another coaster]

@iheartgunts

A rap battle but it’s just Keanu Reeves saying “Whoa” versus Owen Wilson saying “Wow.”

@FSUSteve

Michelle Obama should have dropped the mic and moonwalked out.