@zachreinert03

A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is sitting in the cell right next to you, a worst friend framed both of you for murder.

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@cmd8495

I’m happier now that I’ve changed from coffee to orange juice in the mornings.
My doctor explained it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it’s the vodka.

@3sunzzz

I can’t decide whether or not I should do laundry or just buy another hamper.

@nachdermas

i’ve had a few glasses of wine & this is the funniest thing i’ve seen in my entire life

@eileencurtright

On TV no men can tie a necktie but all women can and there’s no backstory to explain it

@LOsepyan

According to my next door neighbor’s diary I have “boundary issues” can you believe that?

@fro_vo

[job interview]
Interviewer: are you familiar with microsoft word
Me: yes i’ve heard that word many times

@weinerdog4life

Side effects may include: upset stomach, diarrhea, some wolves will chase you, like 6-12 wolves, it’s ok