@kibblesmith: A good prank if you're in line behind a baby at Starbucks and the mother isn't paying attention is to give the baby a thousand dollars
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@Reverend_Scott: [knock at door] ME: yes? COP: is there a party going on? ME: well, it's my dog's birthday- [police dog jumps out with a present in his mouth] COP: SURPRISE
@elonjames: "...and I would've won if it weren't for you meddling minorities, women, gays, young people..." - Mitt Romney #ScoobyDooVillain
@RamblingMachine: If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need.