@GrantTanaka: A good way to break up with a girl is to leave her a trail of rose petals starting from her front door to North Korea.
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@Dawn_M_: He said I reminded him of the girl from The Ring. We laughed and laughed, and then I put an axe in his back and ate his soul.
@jaelco26: I'm doing Bikram yoga today. By that I mean I'm in the back seat of a hot car trying to contort myself enough to reach the ignition.
@audipenny: Hey I got your text but then I died, I'll probably like resurrect when we accidentally run into each other though
@KimmyMonte: Coachella was invented in 1999 when someone accidentally planted a headband in the desert