@dumbbeezie: A good way to keep a secret from me is to leave it on my voicemail
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@HansGrubertron: TERMINATOR: I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle ME: *gliding past on heelys* Do you need anything from me?
@UnFitz: “Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp-dressed man” he hummed to himself while ironing his sleeveless tuxedo T-shirt.
@Sal0630: Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush*