[making out in a club]
her: wanna go to the bathroom?
me: no I’ve just been thanks
A great vocabulary is such a turn on. A guy used the word “bifurcated” during a meeting and I almost threw my panties at him.
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All I’m saying is if you don’t want me to walk into the women’s restroom put words not pictures on the doors…
Does anyone know how to get red wine out of a white cat, and don’t say tears, because I already tried that.
Salesman: That’s our best selling couch.
Me: *sits* *bounces*
Salesman: What do you think?
Me: *grinning* Sofa so good.
Salesman: Please leave.
*pulls shirt back down*
I guess I don’t understand what a flash mob actually is.
SHAKE WHAT YOUR MAMA GAVE YOU
*shakes buy one get one free coupon*
Like that scene in ‘The Revenant’ where Leo is mauled by the bear but it’s just me at your wedding reception dancing with your grabby aunt.
Pet Store Manager: What qualifies you to work here?
Applicant: I’m kind of sweet yet sad & a bit creepy for some reason
PSM: You’re hired!
My best friend is a guy and we have a pact that if we’re both still single at 35 we’ll hunt each other for sport