why do people live in regular houses when there are steakhouses
A guy just commented on how classy I am
So naturally I removed my finger from my nose so I could type, “Thank you!”
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I’d like the chicken-fried steak, please.”
Uh lemme get back to you
*runs to kitchen*
YO WE GOT ANY CHICKENS THAT KNOW HOW TO FRY A STEAK
Caught my food taking a picture of me. When I confronted it, it said it was for its people blog? What a creep.
I beg you
Please look at what your child’s name will be spelled backwards.
Rules for a happy marriage:
3. Separate bank accounts
2. Separate data plans
1. Separate bathrooms
Me: Hi is your place a kid friendly restaurant?
Host: Of course it is sir
wife: Why are there dishes in the sink?
my son’s last words: Because you didn’t do them
the devil has a tape recorder containing the sounds you made when you sang aloud with a group but didn’t actually know the words
I’m the outdoorsy type. I hate being chained to a desk all day, but management say they have no choice until I stop biting my coworkers.
If you see me online 30mins after I said I was going to bed, mind ya business.