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Throw me to the wolves and they’ll come back with cute names, little sweaters & an affinity for baby talk.


[neil degrasse tyson voice] the film is called Home Alone but thats actually a misnomer. in fact, kevin was joined in his home by 2 burglars


Struck by her beauty, Issac Newton leans in for a kiss. He receives an equal, but opposite, reaction.


Latex inflatable trousers, don’t leave home without them.
#Harikrishnan #Menswear #LondonCollegeOfFashion


You can check out anytime you like
You can never leave
Please bring me my wine

2020 is officially Hotel California


I want my house to be tidy enough so that if people stop by unannounced, it doesn’t look like I adopted a bear with a jug stuck on its head.


So I go to McDonalds & I’m ordering my food & the car behind starts honking their horn bc I’m taking to long to order. So I go to the 1st window and paid for my food & theirs too. Then I got to the 2nd window to get my food and took theirs too.


Probably my favorite thing about zoom calls is when people are running late but have literally no excuse, so they’re just like “sorry I’m late I’m just very bad at managing my time and also I don’t want to be here”.


If Trump wins the presidency, you know who’s gonna be the most excited about buildin’ a Southern border fence? Canada.


Ancient guys used to invent good stuff because they never had to untangle their headphones seventy three times every day.