“Wow! Can you believe it’s almost June already?!”
YES DEB, I AM WHOLLY MYSTIFIED BY THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF TIME ON PLANET EARTH
A hammock is really cool until you try to get out of it. I’m going to have to live here now. Goodnight.
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My white girl power is ability to never putting more than $20 worth of gas in at a time.
Poking holes in your parents condoms so there’s someone else to do the dishes
It’s not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.
Serious question. How does my local grocery store keep figuring out my favorite brand or flavor of a product so they can stop carrying it?
*baby takes first step*
wow took you long enough
I don’t understand why people go to the gym all the time… everything there’s so heavy.
#SexEdWontTeachYou how to deal with idiots…
YOU’VE GOTTA BE SHITTING ME, CAROL.
You’re goddamn right I have a few minutes to hear about your new pedometer.