@Smug_Lemur: A hammock is really cool until you try to get out of it. I'm going to have to live here now. Goodnight.
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@notacroc: Waiter: and for you? Me: *after rehearsing in my head for 15 minutes* the chimney changas
@liz_buckley: People laughed when I said I wanted to be a professional snooker player. They're not laughing now because it was ages ago.
@Jerrypleasure: me: kids are so stupid. they'll do anything for chocolate wife: if you do the laundry, I'll buy you a snickers me: done
@VerbsRProudest: I have a draft that just says "rhino!" & I cannot even wrap my brain around why I thought that would make sense.