“What the hell, they walk like everybody else!”
[a handsome man falls and cuts his hand]
Me: *tries to rip the hem of my dress to make a bandage, like a Regency heroine, but I’m too weak*
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When someone tells you “you don’t even know the half of it,” like it or not you’re about to hear the whole of it.
Him: So tell me something about yourself.
Me: If you spell it backwards it’s flesruoy.
Me: If you add the letter p to it you can spell profusely.
Can we talk about your pleated, cuffed corduroys, or are we just going to let it happen?
I spend too much of my time asking our dog, “have you seen the kids?!”
Boss: go to hell
Me: so stay? or leave? I’m confused
I haven’t been this confused about what’s going on since The Cranberries yodeled that one song about zombies.
[1st date, don’t let her know you’re a panda]
“Do u mind if I ask how you got the um *gestures at eyes*
These? I..*rubs neck* cage fighting
Dungeons and Dragons is popular because it appeals to the human fantasy of having a group of friends who can come over at a regular time