@Jenny4ashley: A high five is like a regular five that laughs at everything and gets the munchies.
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@TheEllenShow: Scientists found there may not be as many benefits to flossing as we thought. Guess none of them have ever been to a party with spinach dip.
@ThatRascalPuff: Gramps: *on deathbed* I feel like Im forgetting someth- *dies* [2 yrs later] Me: *knocking water outta my ears* *quarter falls out*
@TheToddWilliams: [gun shop] ME: Does this gun come with a nuclear warhead? CLERK: Haha no that's illegal ME: Ok CLERK: You can buy the warhead separately
@seamussaid: when my daughter is mad she points at me and delivers what I can only assume is a gypsy curse