HER: I’m studying to be a scientist but really love comedy
ME: [trying to impress her] Botany good textbooks lately?
A horror story:
You are enjoying a quiet night with a glass of wine on the couch when, suddenly, the phone rings.
That’s it that’s the whole story.
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Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
My dandruff is so bad, I leaned over the fish tank. They thought it was feeding time.
The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today
me: can we watch something besides basketball tonight
him: sure how about a movie
me: cool you pick
[halfway through Teen Wolf]
me: you tricked me
no caffeine: day 6
-can’t think straight
-3 people are dead
Titanic, but with literally thousands of cats.
↻ ⊲ Ⅱ ⊳ ↺
volume: ▁ 5%
↻ ⊲ Ⅱ ⊳ ↺
volume: ▁▂▃▄▅▆▇ 100%
I failed art in middle school on purpose just so my report card would say “F-Art” and if that dedication to a vision isn’t worthy of an A+ in art I don’t know what is.