A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single “I’m going out for cigarettes.”
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me: I want to travel to the victorian era & meet a real gentleman [takes time machine back to 1860 England]
man: 31? what are u my grandma?
Pray Elon Musk doesn’t have a scandal.
Elongate would drag on forever.
BRAZIL: Can you describe your attacker?
RYAN LOCHTE: You wouldn’t know him. He goes to another Olympics.
In the 80s they used an egg in a frying pan to demonstrate a brain on drugs only because they didn’t have Twitter in the 80s
ME: people only use 10% of their brains
FRIEND: that’s an urban legend
ME: no it’s not. my grandma told it to me, and she lives on a farm
As a married man, it’s hard for me to fall asleep after having sex. Because I have to drive home.
comic about CROWDSURFIN
When people ask me “plz” because its shorter than “please”.. I just tell them “no” because its shorter than “yes.”