Seismologists are loyal to a fault
A lady asked me where my adopted son came from and I said if she doesn’t know by now where babies come from it’s not my place to tell her
You Might Also Like
Everything at the mini mart is normal-sized and I feel so betrayed.
If you’re ovulating and have sex standing up…
Is it called a standing ovulation? Asking for a friend
Me: I don’t like online shopping. I’m old school. I need to touch it, smell it, taste it.
Her: I still need you to leave our lingerie store.
Me: Hi, what’s a good school binder for my 10yo girl here?
Clerk: Trapper Keeper?
Me: Haha, no, she’s my own daughter.
I was going to suggest Twitter to have a live Nativity scene but I think it’s going to be impossible.
A virgin and 3 wise men? On here?!
Me: I don’t get it, I was just standing here, hard at work
HR: Yes, that was the problem.
FIRST KID: I’d rather not medicate her.
SUBSEQUENT CHILDREN: *Googles, “How much Benadryl will make her sleep for three days straight?”*
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
[police raid at balloon store]
Cop on radio:”We can hear gunfire is everyone ok, over”
Hedgehog cop inside:”Its not gunfire, over”