@SalmaElWardany1
Watching Grey’s Anatomy teaches me that if I’m really sad, I should walk slowly down a corridor to a Snow Patrol track.
@QwertyJones3
A lot of people don’t realize that Shania Twain’s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
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@SalmaElWardany1
@ThisOneSayz
Me to Hitman: in the bedroom. He is big.
Hitman*pulls gun & enters* where is he?
Me: on the wall!
Hitman: that’s a spider
Me: kill it!
@tsm560
They say intelligent people are rarely happy I guess that’s why you’re always smiling
@Twtercide
Me: I have a date tonight.
Friend: A guy coming over to install cable isn’t a date.
Me: *frowns* But I got a cheese platter….
@remmarg_yelsel
With Instagram’s new video function, we will now be able to hear the quacks from all the duck faces.
@2Miniwheats
I went outside and the air was cold and polluted.
That made me think of you.
@xLiserx
Me: Can’t. I’m exhausted from all the CrossFit this morning.
Him: It’s pronounced ‘croissant’ & how the hell did you eat the entire dozen?!
@qwertying
Describe myself in 4 words?
Bad at counting.
@mansizedthumbs
In case nobody has Facebook, it’s cold outside.
@nolifecoach
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!