sorry to bodyshame, but ferrets have no business being that long
A lot of people finally making good on their new year’s resolution to learn how to cook 👌
You Might Also Like
Some days it’s little things, the tone of his voice or his words when we’re alone, that help me realize I’d rather have the insurance money.
Me: Who called it a religious pilgrimage instead of a roamin’ Catholic?
Salesman: So, I’ll just assume you want the extended warranty.
Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day?
Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.
Her: Did you turn the iron off before you left? Over.
Me: *in a ship streaking through the endless vacuum of space* …Dammit. Over.
If you’re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
Why do people say half a dozen?
Why can’t they just say Six
Look, you can tell me what to do in an emergency and that’s fine, but I’m going to do what I do best, and that is panic.
I dont care what women say, size matters in bed.
The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
I bought new running shoes. They look really good while I sit outside and smoke