@clickholebot

a lot to unpack here

You Might Also Like

@LoriGallucci

“Omg, what a cute baby. He’s adorable. Makes me want…oh never mind he’s crying now bye”

@TheDailySchmuck

Every time I’m the only black person at a party I think: “Wow. I helped them make quota.”

@JohnLyonTweets

Her: I’m going to start cooking without butter.

Me: This isn’t going to work out.

@lloydrang

Americans are just Canadians that someone fed after midnight.

@patrickmarkryan

If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet

@Jenn_H_Scott

Me: *getting struck by lightning*

Kid: Mommy, can I have a snack?

@yupthatpaul

the four elements are:

• earth
• fire
• air
• water
• surprise

@fro_vo

Wife: we have to get rid of these ants
Me: if u don’t look at them they disappear
Wife: that’s ignorant
Me: i know the technical term linda