A married couple with no kids just asked my wife and I to go out for drinks at 9:30 tonight.

They did it with a straight face too.

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No rule against wearing an old Halloween costume to Thanksgiving. Let your racist uncle talk presidential politics with Donkey from Shrek.


I just spent 38 minutes on the phone w my mother. And she couldn’t tell I was drinking. I’m worried about her, now.


Dream inside a dream
 – inception

Inn inside an inn
 – innception

Re: Re:
 – reception

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
 – email from your gran


Bugs Bunny taught me my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.


I’m in an abusive relationship. controlling, manipulative, overbearing, demanding.

it’s for his own good.


Imagine falling in love with somebody and finding out they’re uncomfortable making the sex in an abandoned mannequin factory.


You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you’ve sighed six or seven times.


Maybe the baby wasn’t on board. Maybe the baby was against the whole thing.


Doctor: We need to double your meds
Me: Will I still be able to knit little capes for my hamster?
Doctor: We need to triple your meds