To impress a woman in the workplace, ignore her body and compliment her IDEAS. Example: Sharon it was a great idea to wear that tight skirt
A mechanical frog is called a ribot.
Sorry I haven’t said anything in a while
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Her: “Is that you in your avi?”
Me: “No, it’s a picture of me.”
me: so what do you do?
date: I work with animals
me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* your job sounds fun
I love babies cause they just cry upon waking up and it’s so honest
do you think my parents divorced because I’m too handsome like they said
Mom: you failed your english test, didn’t you?
Me: who telled you?
No one has more ailments than a child who was put to bed.
[punches shark on the nose[
shark: that wont stop me
me: are u crying
shark: no its always wet & salty on my face
I laid my tired head down on my pillow & saw the most terrifying thing I could possibly imagine:
On my dresser.
Across the room.
Choose your own adventure:
S O F A T H E R E Y E S P O P
Dad sees a soda?
Moving a couch for dad?
Obese girl with a vision problem?