@SufficientCharm

A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn’t eat.

You Might Also Like

@SortaBad

OTHER BOY: why are we all here anyway

ME: I think it’s for the milkshakes

LACTOSE INTOLERANT BOY IN THE YARD: oh no

@Sean_Burgundy_

Leave everyone stranded at a bank robbery to play laser tag when you’re the get away driver and suddenly no one is your friend anymore

@TinaMav

We are the people our parents warned us about.

@kimlockhartga

DID Y’ALL KNOW THAT THEY MAKE CAFFEINATED WATER? WHY AM I YELLING?!?

@monicaheisey

“the uk couldn’t POSSIBLY leave”

“trump couldn’t POSSIBLY be president”

“we couldn’t POSSIBLY start eating each other out of necessity”

@T_Bonezzz_

I wish my ex girlfriend was a Ninja, this way I’d never see her

@daddydoubts

Successful parenting is all about having a schedule. Feel free to use mine:

8am: breakfast

8:30am-6pm: beg my kid to take a nap

6:30pm: dinner

7-9pm: beg my kid to go to sleep

@Tmoney68

Trying to convince a kid, no matter the age, that they’re tired, is like trying to tell a drunk they’re drunk. Denial & anger will follow.

@POTerritory

Strange how FB doesn’t automatically add the enemies of your enemies as your friends,