[having a discussion]
BF: don’t make me keep talking I will only make it worse
A model train set is the male equivalent of 25 cats.
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Made a relationship pact with my best friend: If neither of us is married by the time we’re 40, we honestly tell each other what traits make us unlovable.
Brain: If we leave now we’ll be on time for once.
Body: Ten more minutes then.
Because you know I’m all about that data, ‘bout that data. No trouble. I’m all about that data, ‘bout that data. No trouble.
Dinosaurs prolly have ghosts too, what if there’s a diplodocus just standing where your house is right now, bored as shit
HER: i’m really into guys-
ME (eager to impress her): me too
When Squidward lost his job and had to stay with Spongebob and he tried to tell Spongebob the TV didn’t work n Spongebob said THAT’S TWO THINGS THAT DON’T WORK 😭😭😭😭
Michael Phelps & I have a combined 19 gold medals & 4 DUI’s.
Two squirrels in the backyard. But they are not playing together. Wonder if there’s history.
Gonna put watermelon on my pizza just to start a Twitter uproar