My parenting style is best described as “No” with a side of “Ugh. Fine, but please don’t hurt yourself.”
[a movie on dvd]
ugh, i’ve seen that a million times
[the same movie on tv with commercials]
OOH, IT’S JUST STARTING
You Might Also Like
“Paintings or it didn’t happen.” – 1700’s-1920
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Went into Dollar Store. Asked for a dollar. Cashier did not give me one. Suing company for false advertising.
DATE: do you want kids?
ME [looking around]: *whispers* i mean i guess so, did you bring some?
Everything that is wrong with America, in one image.
1)Print out a “WANTED” poster with your face on it.
2)Dress as a cop.
3)Go around asking people if they’ve seen this person.
*Ex wife yelling at me from driveway*
I HOPE YOU DIE A LONG AND PAINFUL DEATH!
Me- no babe I’m not moving back in
Doctor: your test came back, it isn’t good
Me: am I going to die?
Doctor: without treatment, yes
Me: I’ll do anything, what’s the cure?
Doctor: you just need to eat black licorice
Me: *grabbing my coat* I’ll see you in hell
[i fall down the stairs & break my back]
Me: Siri, call me 911
Siri: okay.. I will call you 911 from now on
Me: haha nice
Siri: thanks 911