A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his bum. Doctors described his condition as “stable”. #manicmonday
A movie where two people finally kiss and all their friends cheer in the background because just behind the kissing people two swans are fighting brutally
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Did you know you can gain 20 pounds in 2 months, but it takes 3257 days to lose 5 pounds?
Spiders: Nature’s reminder that you are, in fact, a little girl.
Practice self-care like a star, be lonely and distant & allow nothing to survive on your surface.
*Pouring nacho cheese over my bowl of cornflakes* No, I wouldn’t say I’ve let quarantine life change me.
I just bought an answering machine and it doesn’t work. Or maybe I’m just asking it the wrong questions.
Today I learned drinking electrolytes does not give you electrical powers. must now find other ways to become a super villainess
Me: so what do you do
Her: I’m a stay at home mom
Me: *leans in close* then what are you doing outside of that house
(my first day in customer service)
Caller: I can’t understand you.
Caller’s wife: Omg that’s so rude! That’s her accent and she…
Me: *talking with huge bite of peanut butter sandwich in my mouth*
“Maweee ty ushin the ower off n on”
Nurse: we need to draw some blood
Me with a fine arts degree: *hastily reaches into backpack* i saved my good marker for this