@brendohare

A nation cheers as Bigfoot is finally found. “We just yelled his name,” said the head explorer. “Can’t believe no one thought of that.”

You Might Also Like

@trustedshoe

[me trying to sell my personal information on the dark web]

For a dollar I’ll tell you how much cheese I eat.

@trevso_electric

The leading method of suicide in Albania is attempting to kidnap Liam Neeson’s daughter.

@FeelingEuphoric

ME: I have an appointment for 1:30

RECEPTIONIST: may I have your last name?

ME: omg *tearing up* yes, I’ll marry you

@KeetPotato

[interrupts gf talking about her dream wedding]
lol a horse drawn carriage?
“what’s funny about that?”
a horse can’t hold a pencil karen

@DaddyJew

[trying to console a friend after a tough break up]

Me: *just throwing puppies at her

@dadofbieber

Noses are red, violets are blue. It ain’t love
darling, you got flu.

@InternetHippo

murderer: line up single file so I can murder you in the most efficient way

me to the guy in line behind me: I like that he’s a businessman

@chuuew

Harrison Ford just turned up at my AA group. I’ve never seen Han so low.