@RobinMcCauley

A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Shit Sherlock Research Institute.

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@Bmangall20

My coworker told me he got banned from a bar when he lived in North Dakota back in 1973 and didn’t try going back to it for 30 years but he finally did and the moment he stepped in someone yelled “Get the hell out of here Dennis” And that’s probably my favorite story ever

@jus4golf

Found my first gray pubic hair. The people in line with me at the market were not nearly as impressed as I was.

@clichedout

Saw an Italian nativity scene:

• Mary
• Joseph
• Shepherds
• Donkeys
• Sheep
• 47 wise guys

@chrisdowning

Guys these days will never know the anxiety of calling a girl’s home number and having to ask her dad if she’s home.

@sofarrsogud

My favourite school memory?
Once during sex ed the teacher said ‘some of you won’t ever need to know this’ and everyone turned to look at me

@jilltwiss

My best guy friend and I vowed if we’re still single at 45, we def won’t marry each other because who wants to marry someone no one likes?

@RidiculousSheri

“Knock knock”

“Who’s there?”

“Pizza”

“My new boyfriend who?

“No. Pizza”

“My future husband who?”

“No.”

“Playing hard to get who?”

@buck4itt

Don’t email me a link to a 6 minute youtube video. I wouldn’t watch a video that long if in contained clues to solve my own murder.

@Jeffro_

I get high before I get my Drivers License pic taken. That way I look normal if I’m pulled over.