@timdonakowski

A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.

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@AmishPornStar1

Never judge a book by its cover…

Take it to dinner and see how it treats the waitstaff, then judge it.

@Maxine12339

Daughter announced there will be rain for Thanksgiving. We usually have turkey but with her cooking skills rain will taste better.

@simoncholland

You wouldn’t believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this preschool.

@wickedsuga

*buys extra movie ticket seat so I’ll have a place to put my microwave bc I’ll be damned if I’m paying that much for popcorn

@KentWGraham

I’ve carefully avoided a running injury all these years by never running.

@mattchew81

A nicer way to tell someone their breath stinks is to say “I’m bored, let’s go brush your teeth!”