@therepoguy

A picture so sexy my computer just covered my eyes.

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@electrolemon

To some, it’s known as “soda.” Some call it “pop.” Some even order it as “coke” or “cola.” The spicy bubble brown juice goes by many names

@Adar79Angie

I’m Italian, but I’m not “save a princess from a weird dinosaur looking guy, with my brother Luigi” Italian.

@bransonbranson

*puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes… time to text some girls the word ‘hey’ and only the word ‘hey’

@neonwario

Ah yes. I’ve linked my Twitter to my WordPress, and my LinkedIn to Klout. Now it’s time to interface my Acura ILX with a giant redwood

@imteddybless

ok i’m just gonna say it… it seems petty that money comes out of my account every *single* time i buy something. give me a break

@Tylerosis

I don’t get laid on Saturdays. The last two words were unnecessary.

@BadaBinge

There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body and some people manage to get on every one.

@justjohnselby

[first date]

her: any weird habits?

me: i switch words at inconvenient times

[our wedding]

priest: do you take this woman to be your wife?

me: do i

@chuuew

Me: I’d invite you in but my place is a mess
Friend: That’s OK. I don’t mind
M: The mess tho
F: Don’t be silly
M: I don’t want u in my house