A picture so sexy my computer just covered my eyes.

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To some, it’s known as “soda.” Some call it “pop.” Some even order it as “coke” or “cola.” The spicy bubble brown juice goes by many names


I’m Italian, but I’m not “save a princess from a weird dinosaur looking guy, with my brother Luigi” Italian.


*puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes… time to text some girls the word ‘hey’ and only the word ‘hey’


Ah yes. I’ve linked my Twitter to my WordPress, and my LinkedIn to Klout. Now it’s time to interface my Acura ILX with a giant redwood


ok i’m just gonna say it… it seems petty that money comes out of my account every *single* time i buy something. give me a break


I don’t get laid on Saturdays. The last two words were unnecessary.


There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body and some people manage to get on every one.


[first date]

her: any weird habits?

me: i switch words at inconvenient times

[our wedding]

priest: do you take this woman to be your wife?

me: do i


Me: I’d invite you in but my place is a mess
Friend: That’s OK. I don’t mind
M: The mess tho
F: Don’t be silly
M: I don’t want u in my house