@amishschool: A political analyst said we can defeat ISIS by "crippling them financially" so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods.
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@WheelTod: This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don't believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it.
@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: Would you like a donut? ME: *takes three* I: Um, ok, what's your greatest strength? ME: [grabbing two more donuts] Self-control
@mommajessiec: Kid 1: *crying bc sunscreen is in his eye* Kid 2: *crying bc she has sand in her hair* Kid 3: *crying bc flies are biting her* Me: Alright, kids, I think it’s time we leave the beach. Also kids: ALREADY?!?