@LizHackett: A posh woman asked where I got my boots and I didn't want to say TJ Maxx, so I told her I won them in a bar fight.
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@huntigula: psychic: [sees guy in crowd w/ a pony tail] Sir did u know a Chad? "yes" From karate? "YES" Chad wants u to know he's ok *guy starts crying*
@AmishPornStar1: Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
@FatuousFloozy: Women love a man that can cook, tell a lady you're interested in that youll cook anything their heart desires. And pray they say "spaghetti"
@GrrrRach: I've spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can't find his nuggets.