@CrockettForReal

a reese’s peanut butter cup but the inside is toothpaste

You Might Also Like

@FrazzleMyGimp

ME: Hey bro you got toilet paper?

GUY IN NEXT STALL: Yeah [slides me toilet paper]

ME: No I don’t need any I’m just checking.

GUY IN NEXT STALL: Why?

ME: Because I care.

@sixfootcandy

Me: I’ll just take a regular bikini wax. Or should I go Brazilian? What do you think?

Nurse: Ma’am, I’m just here to take out your catheter.

@eddie_ferrero

When I was sixteen, I had to learn how to drive a stick, because we couldn’t afford a car.

@SardonicTart

“You’re free now” I say to my stomach as I unbutton my pants.

@djdarrellripley

Doctor: Open your mouth (inserts tongue depressor)

Me: Mmm, this tastes good.

Dr: You should have tasted it when the Popcicle was on it!

@citizenkawala

Don’t act like you miss sex now, you weren’t getting laid before either.

@xoCAMILLAxo

I thought air was free until I bought a bag of Lay’s Potato Chips!

@BEEAAARR

Roses are red, I have a phone. No one texts me, forever alone.

@Samzen_

All girls love surprises. I didn’t know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can’t understand women.

@kevinseccia

“What race was the guy?” – a question you’ll never have to ask my uncle during a story.