If you’ve never said “I love you too” in a way that sounds a tad bit angry, then you must not have kids you are trying to put to bed.
A required corporate training course said to build strong relationships.
Also, HR told me it’s “inappropriate” to kiss strangers.
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I fed the cows marijuana.
The steaks have never been higher.
Guy: I hate my spouse.
Friend: You gotta end it.
Guy: I also hate myself.
Friend: You gotta en… learn to love yourself!
1.Walking on manholes
2.Driving, hit a deer, windshield breaks, deer caught and frantically bucks me to death
Boss: You’re late! You shoulda been here two hours ago!
Me: Why? What happened two hours ago?
When people on House Hunters complain about the color of the room are they not aware of the miracle that is paint?
Is “drunk” an emotion?
Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now….
Holmes: “I say, old bean, is that mud on your boots?” Watson: “No, shit, Sherlock”
Hulu coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.
If you ever feel shitty about mispronouncing a word you’ve never used in speech, then know that nothing could be worse than the way I said ‘banal’ in front of an entire company