A required corporate training course said to build strong relationships.

Also, HR told me it’s “inappropriate” to kiss strangers.

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Guy: I hate my spouse.

Friend: You gotta end it.

Guy: I also hate myself.

Friend: You gotta en… learn to love yourself!


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2.Driving, hit a deer, windshield breaks, deer caught and frantically bucks me to death
3.Christopher Walken


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Me: Why? What happened two hours ago?


When people on House Hunters complain about the color of the room are they not aware of the miracle that is paint?


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If you ever feel shitty about mispronouncing a word you’ve never used in speech, then know that nothing could be worse than the way I said ‘banal’ in front of an entire company