After a heated discussion with Marie Kondo i’ve decided to throw myself in the trash.
A restaurant called Grandma’s House where the wait staff greets you by saying you hardly call anymore and no matter how full you are they always make you eat more than you want
You Might Also Like
A man was arrested on Brighton beach today for throwing pebbles at the sea birds.
He was accused of having left no tern unstoned.
When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.
The first rule of Swim Club is don’t talk about Swim Club for at least 30 minutes after eating.
Fell down on the treadmill, got pudding everywhere.
Well son, in the ’90s, there was no drooling emoji. You had to show up at a girl’s door and actually drool.
Movie Exec: Give me 3 realistic ideas or you’re fired
Me: A rat becomes a chef
Movie Exec: ok
Me: A dog plays basketball
Movie Exec: Good
Me: A main character has a bottom row locker at school
Movie Exec: Get out
The wife surprised me on my birthday by coming to see me at work, so I surprised her too by having Brenda from Accounts sitting on my lap when she arrived.
HER: I cant see u anymore
ME (hiding under table): lol I know
H: no I mean I cant see u anymore
M (still under table): lol I know
Her: Let’s exchange numbers
Me: Won’t that confuse people who are trying to call us?