Maybe it’s just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.
A roofie? .. but how does a roof take a picture of itself? I’m so confused.
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Me: They are tiny mints that live in a little plastic coffin
Boss: I said let’s talk tactics
It is officially too cold for Canadians to pretend liking cold weather is part of our cultural identity
Couple: [hands me camera] Do you mind taking a picture?
Couple: How does it look?
“I just got my hair done, so pretty good”
I keep forgetting my passwords so I changed them all to one that’s super easy for me to remember:
[the followin is based on a true story]
*clips of me hittin my shin on my bed every nite for a year*
Narrator: its like he forgets its there
[Praying mantis funeral]
PRIEST: He died doing what he loved
School Review Board: you only want pure blood children to attend?
Salazar Slytherin: that is true.
School Review Board: and you have a room with a giant snake that attacks children?
Salazar Slytherin: also true.
School Review Board: *stamp* approved
Doctor: I need to draw some blood
Me *hands him a red crayon* haha
Doctor *stabs it in my arm* haha