“A room in motion will stay in motion until you sober up.”

~Newton’s little known fourth law of motion

You Might Also Like


Satan: *rubbing temples* For the love of God and everything holy, put your clothes back on.

Me: Not until you turn the heat down.


As I get closer to 30 I start to worry about more big picture things like famine and over population in my apartment


“911 what’s your emergency?”

– I’ve been catfished by a dozen men

“We’re on our way”

– Gonna arrest them?

“Gonna shut off your internet”


Gonna serve James Bond a stirred martini just to see if he even notices, that pretentious little shit


I’m just saying, who could afford murder hornets in THIS economy? 2020 had a backer, and I’d like to see some receipts, CHARMIN.


a bunch of us teens are going out to the forest to burn a piece of paper that says ‘responsibilities’ on it. for symbolism


I wonder what people with house phones posted on MySpace today?


[My relationship with TV]

There’s nothing on.

*watches nothing for the next six hours.


In order to save money I installed a sound chip into my wallet. Now when it opens it plays a song by Creed so I quickly have to close it.