I moved to LA 9 months ago and I’ve just been circling around this whole time looking for a parking spot.
A rusted van sits under a bridge.
Rats gnaw on moldy Scooby Snacks.
Shaggy takes a hit off the pipe.
“WHY COULDN’T YOU LOVE ME VELMA?”
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Me: I have a problem.
Her: We’re married. Whatever it is, it’s our problem now.
Me: Ok. We had an affair with the neighbour’s daughter.
Told my landlord I was leaving for Los Angeles and he’s being very supportive
Queen Elizabeth is celebrating 60 years on the throne.
I assume it was something she ate.
Heard a rival dad in the neighborhood was handing out full size candy bars so now every trick-or-treater that comes to my door is getting an entire rotisserie chicken.
WHAT IS HAPPENING.
If the liquor store didn’t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
KID: Why’s the sky blue
DAD: It’s sad
MOM: Light refraction
DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction