@cravin4: A sex boycott sounds fun and all but have you ever tried marriage?
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@Darlainky: [neighborhood meeting] Me: This is an outrage! Neighbor: Exactly! The city’s plan to– Me: Nothing but powdered creamer for the coffee? I’m out of here.
@: [gets pulled over] cop: do you know how fast you were growing? me: officer, I wa-wait did you say growing? cop: *removes mask to reveal grandma* you've gotten so big