MIND BLOWING SCIENCE FACT: 20% of all car crashes are actually battles between the Autobots and the Decepticons.
A smart woman knows when to give up and walk away
A southern woman has a shotgun and a shovel named give up and walk away
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wife: Do you love the dog more than-
“I bet T-Rex’s took terrible selfies”
“Because they had…”
“Short arms Joe, yes. I get it. I get it buddy”
me: i liked that movie 🙂
The Person Who Has Read The Book: it was way different than the book
me: oh ok
The Person Who Has Read The Book: i read the book
me: i really liked the score 🙂
The Person Who Has Read The Book: the book didn’t have music
If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage..
Every birth announcement I see the parents are like “we’re already so in love!” Just once I want a “she seems chill but we’ll see what happens”
Shark week, but for squirrels.
Me: I don’t want to fill up on bread.
Executioner: This is literally your last meal.
Sometimes when I’m sitting in a swivel chair, I’ll turn around quickly and smile and pretend I’m in the opening credits of a sitcom.