@lisaxy424: boss: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING? me: HAHAHA [later] cw: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING? me: literally never talk to me gary

@TheLeslieMommy: At Walmart checkout other day: Cashier: "you have a dog?" (Scanning dog food.) Hubz: no, our kid needs protein Cashier: Hubz: Me: dying

@HelenMaryMe: If you're found snoozing at your desk, just say "Oh they told me at the blood bank that this might happen!"

@LoriLuvsShoes: I wonder what Twitter employees do at work to waste time

@ThugRaccoons: [Grocery store checkout] Me: *cracks open a beer* Manager: Sir, you can’t do that in here Me: It’s ok, I’m gonna pay for this Manager: No, I mean the pony. You can’t ride a pony in here