A teacher is always just one loud fart away from losing control of a classroom.

You Might Also Like


Diet tip: If you think you’re hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.


Just ruined another 3yo’s life by failing to find a non existent toy they didn’t bring to school


Karate classes…
Because breaking boards on your head is all cool and shit if a House ever starts attacking you.


Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own problems that I forget there are people having real fights on the internet.


Relationship status

Karate chopping hand holding couples’ hands apart at the mall


I feel like I’m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don’t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.


MARRIAGE COUNSELOR: What is it that you are both most fearful of?

WIFE: I just…[sobbing]…don’t want the kids to suffer

ME: Eels


Panicked when I saw “Godzilla” was trending, until I found out there’s a movie.


To me, God will always be that guy that could’ve made Pokemon or Star Wars real but instead was all like, “Nah bruh, malaria and AIDS.”