Hi, I’m Suki. And I just turned the volume down because it was getting too cold in my car.
*a tree branch bursts into a bank with a gun*
“THIS IS A STICK UP”
“GUYS IM SERIOUS”
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[Maroon 4 meeting]
Adam Levine: “Our band name sucks”
Drummer that no one knows the name of: “let’s think bigger”
Adam: “I’ve got it”
Me: “Bless me father, it’s been 13,505 days since my last confession.”
Priest: “You’re off to a bad start.”
[walks up to guys playing basketball]
“mind if I join?”
you any good?
Hell yeah I’m good. Toss me the orange sphere
In my 20’s – chases a martini with a tequila shot and some weed
In my 40’s – chases a multivitamin with a glass of milk so it doesn’t upset my stomach
dating tip #4: when meeting her brother for the 1st time make sure when he goes for the handshake u kiss him on the lips to assert dominance
Mom wants me to have a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.And I want a sane mother who isn’t oblivious to my Italian bloodline.
Went in for my checkup yesterday. Hernia & prostate exams are really uncomfortable, but he’s a great dentist so I let it go.
“Not bad, thanks, you?”
“Yeah not bad!”
“Haha, see you later!”
Then into the safety of your car, to wonder why you laughed so much for no reason