@MrSpoonicorn

*a tree branch bursts into a bank with a gun*
“THIS IS A STICK UP”
*everyone laughs*
“GUYS IM SERIOUS”
*more laughter*
“DAMN IT”
*leaves*

You Might Also Like

@skickwriter

Hi, I’m Suki. And I just turned the volume down because it was getting too cold in my car.

@matt___nelson

[Maroon 4 meeting]

Adam Levine: “Our band name sucks”

Drummer that no one knows the name of: “let’s think bigger”

Adam: “I’ve got it”

@juneohara65

Me: “Bless me father, it’s been 13,505 days since my last confession.”
Priest: “You’re off to a bad start.”

@DanMentos

[walks up to guys playing basketball]
“mind if I join?”
you any good?
Hell yeah I’m good. Toss me the orange sphere

@stacywawa1

In my 20’s – chases a martini with a tequila shot and some weed

In my 40’s – chases a multivitamin with a glass of milk so it doesn’t upset my stomach

@EJGomez

dating tip #4: when meeting her brother for the 1st time make sure when he goes for the handshake u kiss him on the lips to assert dominance

@EliseRose5

Mom wants me to have a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.And I want a sane mother who isn’t oblivious to my Italian bloodline.

@Tmoney68

Went in for my checkup yesterday. Hernia & prostate exams are really uncomfortable, but he’s a great dentist so I let it go.

@SoVeryBritish

Neighbour chat:

“Alright?”
“Not bad, thanks, you?”
“Yeah not bad!”
“Haha, see you later!”

Then into the safety of your car, to wonder why you laughed so much for no reason